


On the Absolution of Sin

by cobaltmoony, sparkly_butthole



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Catholic Guilt, Chastity, Cock Cages, Corporal Punishment, M/M, Orgasm Denial, Period-Typical Sexism, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Prostate Milking, Sub Bucky Barnes, adult sexual awakenings, descriptions of pubescent sexual awakenings, not explicit, orgasm denial as a religious experience, smol Dom Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 14:03:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14166465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobaltmoony/pseuds/cobaltmoony, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkly_butthole/pseuds/sparkly_butthole
Summary: Bucky’s young when he makes his first sexual discovery, one that will change his entire life moving forwards in ways he can’t imagine. It’ll follow him through thick and thin, through love found and lost and found again, the way only true fetishes tend to do.The thing is, this isn’t just a fetish. It has a deeper meaning, one that Bucky struggles to even define, let alone communicate.This is the story of how Steve Rogers helped Bucky Barnes finally find forgiveness.Written for the 2018 MCU Kink Bang!





	On the Absolution of Sin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NurseDarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry/gifts).



> This fic would not be possible without my amazing alpha and beta readers,  
> Arke and Kajmere, nor without my unbelievably talented artist, cobaltmoony
> 
> Written for MCU KinkBang 2018 and for NurseDarry [NurseDarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry) as a thank you for all the wonderful beta work. (All Hail the Glow Cloud!)

Bucky’s eleven years old the first time he sees one.

His ma’s friend Mabel is visiting from out of town, and one night he walks in on her while she’s in their tiny bathroom. She squeals and covers herself with her dress, but it’s too late. He’s seen it, and his life will never be the same again.

Of course, Mabel tells his ma. Why wouldn’t she? If Bucky’s son had walked in on a woman like that, he’d get the strap and no mistake. He’s surprised that he doesn’t get into trouble; for once, the adults believe that it’d been a genuine accident. Bucky tries his hardest, but he can’t get it out of his head, and once Mabel leaves, against his better judgment he finds himself asking his ma about it.

“Mama, what’s that thing for? The thing Aunt Mabel was wearin’, I mean.”

“James Buchanan Barnes, you shouldn’t be talkin’ about that!”

He doesn’t get it. “But why, mama?”

Bucky’s ma knows he’s not going to drop it until he’s gotten an answer. That’s just how Bucky is, and he uses it to his advantage as often as possible.

“It’s to stop people from touching themselves where they shouldn’t. Now don’t bring it up again, and don’t ever look at a woman like that again or so help me I’ll have your hide. Not ‘til you’re old enough to understand.”

That night, from the safety of his bedroom, Bucky takes a look at himself _down there_ . He doesn’t have the same parts that the belt was made for, but it still gives him a thrill to imagine. The illicit nature of the act, touching where one is not supposed to touch. The threat of being punished with that thing, that beautiful, terrifying _thing_ . It’s enough to make Bucky erect, something that had only happened to him before on certain mornings. It feels good, _damn_ good, and the fact that it’s not allowed makes it feel even better.

Then he touches it for the first time. Oh sure, he’s handled it before, even registered that it made him feel a little tingly inside, but he’s never had the courage to do it like this. His penis is tender and probably not ready to be explored this way - Bucky’s pretty sure this is what the adults talk about when they say ‘when you’re ready’ and he’s definitely _not_ ready - but he can’t help himself. It doesn’t take him long to be overwhelmed with the pleasure. Afterwards, he feels light-headed and giggly in a way he’s never felt before.

Maybe he really does need the belt, that magical creation that’s captured his imagination just so. A dark part of him dreams of asking his mama to put one on him. The delicious shame that runs through him when he imagines it makes his body flush from head to toe.

 

It’s not until several years later that he understands the extent to which he’s been sinning. The nurses down at St. Agnes, including Sarah Rogers, warn the boys that doing it will make one go blind, or go insane, or what is it today - memory loss? Dementia? It’s always something different, and none of it makes sense to Bucky. If any of it were true, he reasons, he’d have gone blind ages ago. And Steve’s got half the shit they’d been warned about, and Bucky’s fairly certain Steve’s never touched himself a single damn time in his life.

The words of the priests, however, terrify him. _It goes against God to handle yourself for pleasure,_ the priests would proclaim. _Thy body is a temple, and thou must treat it as such or risk eternal damnation._ Yeah - a lot scarier than myths about debilitating illnesses that never come true.

Nothing can stop the guilt that eats at him every time he touches himself. He’s pretty sure he needs a belt - really, truly _needs_ it - to break this nasty habit; Bucky’s already acknowledged that truth and now it’s driving him _nuts_. His body cries out for it. Any time his head goes there, his body follows.

One day, when he can’t get his dick to cooperate in church, he asks the priest about it.

“I know I’ve been bad, Father. It’s not fair that it feels so good, you know?”

“I understand, son. The Lord giveth us many trials, and it is up to us to resist the temptations of the flesh. You do well to come to me with this.”

Bucky’s mouth goes dry, and he feels as though he’s about to swallow his own damn tongue, but he forces the words out. “Is there any way I could… uh, get ahold of one of those belts? You know, the ones some husbands make their wives and daughters wear?”

The priest gives him a surprised look. “How do you even know about those at your age?”

“Father, I’m a legal adult in six months. I’m not all that ignorant about the world.”

“But you want one for yourself, and not for your future wife?”

“Uh, yeah?” Bucky’s not sure if that’s acceptable, and the way the priest looks at him makes him squirm in his seat. Too late, he wishes he’d brought this up in the confessional.

“Son, that treatment is only for women, I’m afraid. They are less resistant to the pleasures of the flesh. But I know you are capable of resisting the temptation. I believe in you.”

With that, the priest pats him on the back and walks away. Bucky’s left with more questions than answers.

Back to masturbation it is, then.

 

The day Bucky realizes he’s in love with Steve is the day he realizes that it no longer matters whether or not he self-flagellates. He’s in love with a _man_ , and that means he’s eternally damned no matter which way he slices it.

The day he realizes that Steve loves him back is the day he stops caring.

Steve’s just come home from running errands. It’s October, but unusually hot for the season; Steve’s brow is shiny with sweat, and his hair sticks to it. Bucky can’t believe how lucky he is to get to see this every day.

But whenever those thoughts creep up, it makes him feel sick to his stomach. The guilt over masturbation that used to gnaw at him increases tenfold. He has no idea what to do about it. Today is worse than usual.

Steve notices his discomfort right away, because Steve is Steve and that means he’s perceptive as hell.

“What’s up, Buck? You don’t look so hot.”

Bucky laughs weakly. “Ain’t that supposed to be my line, punk?”

“I’m serious. You need to sit down. Here, let me.”

Before he can refuse, or balk, or even do something stupid like confess, Steve’s led him to the couch and is watching him carefully.

“Is it the heat, maybe?”

He rolls his eyes. “Told ya, ‘m fine.”

“Yeah, I believe you as much as you believe me when I say it. Sit. Stay.”

“What am I, a fuckin’ dog?”

“Yeah. _My_ little dog.”

Heat washes through him in a way that’s got nothing to do with the temperature outside.

He stays silent until Steve comes back with a glass of water, and then he drinks it without complaint.

“Such a good boy,” Steve teases. He ruffles Bucky’s hair playfully.

_Oh dear Lord, save me._

“Stevie, you realize I’m not an actual dog, right?”

He squints up at Steve, which is a mistake because he’s now standing with the sunlight at his back; it makes him look like an angel come down from heaven. The world doesn’t deserve him.

Steve’s smile fades into confusion. “What’s really goin’ on with you?”

“Nothing, I promise. You worry too much.”

“That’s what friends do for each other. I can’t help you if ya don’t talk to me, though.”

He sits next to Bucky on the couch, and Bucky eyes him warily, scrambling a little so he’s pressed up against the arm of the couch.

Steve’s brow is furrowed so deeply now and all Bucky wants to do is _kiss it kiss it kiss it_ but he somehow holds back. He knows he’s staring, and now Bucky’s blushing bright red and poor Steve is just confused as hell and Bucky has no idea what to do -

 _Take a deep breath. Calm your tits_.

Except Bucky is horrified to realize his body - or maybe his heart, who knows - has overpowered his brain and is now running the show. He’s leaning in and pressing his lips to Steve’s - _fuck_ \- and Steve’s not reciprocating, but he’s not pushing Bucky away, either. Bucky doesn’t know what to make of that. Bucky doesn’t know what to make of anything that’s happening right now, in fact.

It’s in this moment that he wishes, more than ever, he had one of those damn belts. A pretty one, a tight one, to keep him locked up so that Steve will never see him like this, rock hard from mere proximity and a light, chaste kiss. He pulls away, and yep - his worst fears are confirmed when Steve looks him up and down.

It takes a few moments to register just how Steve is assessing the situation, and when his brain catches up to the rest of him, his eyes widen. Steve’s pupils are blown and he looks utterly wrecked from that one little kiss, just like Bucky imagines himself looking at this moment.

They stare at each other like spooked animals ready to run away the instant something happens. At least to Bucky, that’s what it feels like. This adrenaline-soaked moment is more exciting than a fight, more profound than any kiss with a girl’s ever felt. He waits for his racing heart to calm, and once the blood’s flowing a little more normally he’s suddenly _exhausted_.

“Well,” he mumbles, “guess the cat’s out of the bag.”

To his surprise, Steve huffs a laugh. “Cat was never really in the bag, Buck.”

“... really?”

“Yeah, really. You’re about as subtle as a black eye.”

He sits up so quickly he gets vertigo, high on the adrenaline and the kiss and the way Steve’s looking at him now. “You’re telling me you knew?”

And oh, that grin. Sly and shy all at once. Bucky’s gonna kiss that damn thing right off Steve’s mouth.

“‘Course I knew.”

“And you didn’t… I mean, you don’t… care?”

“Oh, I care. Just not in the way you mean.”

And _then_ ! The little shit _winks_!

“Fuck me,” Bucky whispers in awe.

“Yeah,” Steve chuckles. “That’s the plan.”

Bucky jumps him, tackling him to the couch. He starts tickling Steve, no longer afraid to freely touch him like they used to do as kids. “We’ll see who’s fuckin’ who soon enough,” he growls, but they both know the truth. Steve’s the one in control. He always has been.

 

They’re lying in bed a few nights later, after hours of making out and adjusting themselves uncomfortably, when it occurs to Bucky that he could tell Steve. He’s pretty sure they’re officially ‘together’ in some fashion or other, like goin’ steady but under the radar somehow - and that’s a can of worms he doesn’t wanna open - but do people talk about this? Surely husbands and wives don’t, right? So definitely not people just goin’ steady.

Or people in love with their roommates and illegally fucking them.

Maybe that’s enough of a reason to give in to the desire to talk about it, though. It’s illegal, it’s a mess, it’s fucking amazing, way more than it would be if he’d done this with a girl… so there’s no reason he can’t go all the way with it, right? In more ways than one, too. All this kissin’ and rubbin’ against each other isn’t quite cutting it.

_Alright, so… do it. Steve thinks you’re the bravest guy out there, and he looks up to you. So don’t be a coward._

Fuck, that’s easier said than done, though.

He pulls away from Steve, who chases him with closed eyes and pouty, kiss-puffed lips. It takes him a second to realize Bucky’s not actually kissing him anymore and gives Bucky a questioning look.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Yeah, Buck?”

“You ever have, like, fantasies?”

_Yeah, great job explaining that one._

“Fantasies?”

Steve looks like he’s pondering the taste of a word from some foreign language. Bucky breaks out into goosebumps; maybe this was a bad idea, but he’s already taken the plunge. Steve won’t let it go until he gets an answer, and lying is out of the question. No way in hell he’d be able to hide it now.

“Yeah. About, like, stuff.”

“Stuff.”

“Yeah, stuff.”

Steve’s eyebrows are practically in his hairline at this point, which would be comical if Bucky weren’t shaking in his boots, figuratively or otherwise. He squirms uncomfortably and can’t meet Steve’s eyes, which only makes Steve squeal with delight (though he would never admit to it if asked) and his eyes crinkle adorably. This, of course, only serves to make Bucky even more embarrassed.

Steve swats him playfully. “Bucky, what’s up with you this time?”

“You act like this is an ‘all the time’ thing, punk.”

“It is. You shoulda seen yourself the other day, all shy and scared. I about died from how cute you were.”

Bucky tosses a pillow at his face, then pulls Steve’s pillow over, taking him with it. Bucky positions Steve so they’re back to chest; this way there’s no eye contact and maybe he can say it now. Though his face still burns (not to mention his body), even beyond the flames stoked by Steve’s filthy kisses.

“Alright, Stevie. Promise you won’t laugh at me?”

Steve lets out an exasperated sigh. “Do you really need to ask me that?”

“I’m serious. I already feel like a freak.”

Steve - goddamn him - turns around in Bucky’s arms and stares right into his eyes - right into his very soul. “Buck, we’ve talked about this, right? You can tell me anything. Anything at all.”

“I love you so much, you know that?”

Steve stares at him like he can’t believe he’s real. Belatedly, Bucky realizes that actually came out of his big goddamn mouth.

“I mean, uh.... I mean…”

Steve shuts him up with a kiss.

When he lets Bucky pull back again, both sets of lips are swollen and dark and they can barely breathe. They rest their foreheads together.

“You too?” he whispers.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Say it, you goddamn punk.”

“I love you, Bucky Barnes.”

He preens, elated beyond belief to hear that Steve returns not just his desires, but his feelings as well. At least until Steve gives him that sly look he gets when that reckless urge starts rattling around in his head.

“What?” Bucky’s kind of afraid to know. Steve only gets like this when he has An Idea. Usually a Fundamentally Bad Idea.

“Well, now you gotta tell me.” He puffs out his chest, like this is obvious to him and he’s a genius for figuring it out. And Bucky’s a moron. Not that he’d be wrong about that.

“Alright, punk. You win.”

“I win by default with you. You’re so dumb.”

He rolls his eyes with feigned irritation. “Do you wanna know or not?”

“Yes. Tell me. Or I’ll make you.”

Bucky’s eyes go wide and he shivers at the thought of Steve making him. Forcing him. Punishing him for doing something bad, something naughty, something he shouldn’t have done or been doing all these years.

He licks his lips and turns away. “Okay, but I can’t look at you. That alright with you?”

“You owe me for it later.”

“Shut up. I owe you anyway, just for puttin’ up with me.”

Steve leans over and kisses his cheek, mindful of Bucky’s desire for pretend privacy. “Tell me, Buck,” he says, and this time it’s a command.

“Alright. I got this thing. Y’know, for. Things?”

Steve cracks up. Bucky feels every bit like the goddamn moron he is. “What the hell, Buck? Out with it, already!”

Even Bucky has to laugh. “Okay. So you know my mom’s friend Aunt Mabel, right?”

“She the one with the crazy hair? All red and five feet above her head?”

“Oh my good Lord, Steve. That’s… actually a scarily accurate statement. Damn.”

Steve giggles. “I always thought maybe trolls lived in there.”

Bucky turns his head and gives Steve a mock-scandalized look. “Why, Steven Grant Rogers. What ever has come over you, talkin’ like that?”

“Good question, Bucky Barnes. I can’t imagine you got anything more scandalous goin’ on right now, right?” He winks, the little punk.

Bucky quickly turns his head back toward the ceiling. “Yeah, I do. Really do. So, Mabel. She’s got this… belt thing? That she wears over her… you know. It stops her from... “ He trails off, embarrassed.

“Touchin’ herself?”

Bucky sighs in relief. As crude as he can be sometimes, this is different. “Yeah. That.”

“And you want one?”

His jaw drops and he turns to look at Steve again, who’s now got his head resting on Bucky’s arm and the most adorably devilish grin on his face.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Read my mind!”

“Bucky, you’re as clear as glass to me.”

“Well, you ain’t always like that to me. Half the time, I can’t tell what’s goin’ on in that big head of yours.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing.”

“Some lover I am, then.”

“Hey,” Steve says, sitting up and reaching over to cup Bucky’s chin, then leaning in and kissing him softly. “You’re the only person, besides my mama, who don’t look right through me, Buck. My best friend in all the world. Don’t be embarrassed or upset about none of this, okay?”

Bucky smiles at him, bright and happy. “Thanks for listenin’ to me.” He takes Steve’s hand and kisses it.

The devilish grin comes back. “So. A belt? Do they even make those for boys?”

“Not far as I can tell, but you could still, y’know, punish me for doin’ it.”

“Can’t stop yourself?”

“Tried. Didn’t work.”

And there’s that giggle again. “Well, I ain’t gonna have a problem punishin’ you. Kinda wanna do it just for bein’ you.”

Bucky’s dick stiffens painfully and he turns over, exposing his clothed bottom. “I’ve been ready for that for years,” he admits. “You gonna spank it bare then?”

Now Steve’s pupils are blown; that beautiful blue spark is nearly consumed by black. “Yes,” he whispers. “I am.”

“Then get to it. I promise you, I deserve every bit of it.”

“I know you do, Bucky. I know you do.”

Bucky gets punished. A lot.

The longest he goes without coming is a week, and it’s the longest (and most exciting) week of his entire goddamn life. Steve hasn’t been giving him any formal commands at this point; he’s just monitoring how far Bucky can go with it. And laughing at Bucky in the meantime, like the little jerk he is.

He catches Bucky in post-orgasmic bliss at the end of that week and laughs so hard he starts to wheeze. Bucky gives him a pleading look, which only makes Steve drop to his knees and try to catch his breath. Bucky’s pretty sure he looks like a kicked puppy right now. A pathetic one.

“You really can’t help it, can you,” Steve states after he’s caught his breath.

Buck presses his lips together. He can’t argue; it’s the truth. Steve makes getting caught worth it, though. He bites his lip and appraises Bucky’s sweaty, come-streaked chest. The look in Steve’s eyes elicits a half-hearted twitch from Bucky’s cock. At this rate, he’ll be ready to go again in a few minutes. Thank heavens - or not - for being a horny twenty-year-old.

Steve grabs Bucky by the hair, pulls him out of the chair and over to the bed. Bucky’s gotta bend down for Steve to properly drag him, but he goes willingly. Why on Earth wouldn’t he, when he gets this? A chance to be good for Steve. A chance to repent. He can’t outright avoid his sins, but he sure as hell can give Steve the chance to forgive him.

Steve motions for him to remove the pants that have been around his ankles for the last fifteen minutes or so. His cock still hangs loosely from the band of his briefs, which Steve gestures for him take off, too. The shame of being so exposed makes him flush bright red from face to crotch, but it burns even brighter when he lets Steve bend him over his knee. The come from just a few moments ago makes Bucky’s chest stick to everything he touches.

Every time Stevie does this, it makes him cry tears of joy. This is something the priests down at the church could never give to him, this kind of freedom, this kind of resolution to his sins. If he can’t have a belt, at least he can have this.

At least this.

 

When Bucky comes to the Tower, dressed in faded, hole-filled black clothing and skinny as a twig, he barely remembers anything from before. Steve is there in almost every memory, of course, Steve big and Steve small, but even those memories are hazy, caught in a dream-like quality that drives Bucky mad when he tries to chase the ghosts at the edge of his vision. Steve is there for him, though, answering questions about his past and helping him get used to the new century. Which is funny when he thinks about it, because in some ways, Bucky knows more than Steve does. It’s not like Hydra never had him use a computer before. But Steve never pushes beyond what Bucky is obviously comfortable with, and even though it’s clearly difficult for him, Bucky is incredibly thankful for it.

They sleep in the same bed, he and Steve, but Bucky has only a shadow of an idea of what they once did together. And here, just like everywhere else, Steve leaves him be. He has an inkling that Steve wants more, wants it to go back to the way it was, but he’s not sure it ever can.

The thing is, Hydra had him on a shit ton of libido suppressants. Chemical castration. He’s lucky they didn’t literally castrate him, that they’d had sufficient drugs to rid him of his sex drive without resorting to physical means. But he hasn’t had an erection since he came back. He’s not sure if he is capable of it anymore. Maybe the drugs take a while to get out of his system?

But in the meantime… he can’t let Steve suffer like this.

One day, he approaches Steve about it. He figures it won’t be an easy conversation, but they’ve gotta talk it through. He’s gotta make him see reason.

“No. Out of the question.”

“But Steve…”

“Don’t ‘but Steve’ me, Buck. I’m not getting another lover because you’re ‘defective _._ ’ How dare you call yourself that?”

Steve’s pacing their overly large living room at the Tower, glaring at Bucky each time he passes by the couch. Bucky lounges there, hair hanging haphazardly over his eyes. He knows Steve hates it; that’s part of why he does it, because he’s just as much of a little shit as Steve is. He remembers that much.

“C’mon Steve, I know you’re miserable.”

Steve’s eyes go wild, whites showing. Hit the jackpot, it seems.

“And besides that, I was always a little defective… I think?”

Steve kneels next to the couch, taking Bucky’s hand. Some days Bucky would tear it away, not wanting to be touched, but those days are becoming fewer and further apart. And besides that, Steve’s so earnest right now it hurts his heart.

“Don’t say that about yourself. Don’t ever say that about yourself, you hear me?”

“Steve, relax. I didn’t mean in general. Just… sexually.” He looks down, ashamed.

To his surprise, Steve chuckles. “Yeah. You always did have a screw loose where that was concerned.”

And that’s it, that’s what he needed to hear, something lighthearted that makes him laugh about the whole wretched thing. When they’re both done laughing, Steve is staring at him with his heart in his eyes. And Bucky knows it’s going to be alright now.

“So you’ll wait for me, then?” he asks softly.

“As long as it takes, Buck. I promise.”

“Okay,” Bucky replies, blowing out a breath. He’s more relieved than he’d like to admit. “Okay.”

Steve gives him a sly look then, the one that means he’s got some devious idea or another. Bucky remembers it from their childhood - boy howdy, does he remember it. Uh-oh.

“This fancy new internet thing, it has some, uh… advantages.”

“... like?”

“C’mon, I’ll show you.”

 

It’s fantastic. Absolutely the best thing Bucky’s ever seen. Chastity belts for men. It was worth seventy fucking years of torture for this. He’s pretty sure there are stars in his eyes right now. And Steve’s watching him with a look he knows no one else has ever seen, not even Peggy. That look that’s entirely for Bucky. And then he realizes that he’s the happiest he’s been since before the war.

And there’s more than just cages, too! There’s crops and canes and whips; not that there didn’t used to be, but they come in all shapes and sizes now, for all levels, as it were. And you can just buy them out in the open! Steve, at Bucky’s request, selects some of the meaner varieties of the tools displayed on the website. Without words, Steve seems to understand that Bucky needs punishment in a way he never has before. An over-the-knee spanking just ain’t gonna do it now.

The day the cock cage arrives is, of course, the day that Tony decides to look through their mail, because Tony has the best comedic timing in the history of the Stark family. Or the worst, depending on how one looks at it.

“Hey guys, what’s going on? I see you got a package. It’s from a… oh. _Oh._ ” He gives them both a shrewd look. “I didn’t know it was like that.”

“Stark-” Steve starts, but Tony cuts him off.

“No. Nope. I’m headed out, don’t need to know any more. Lalalalalala,” he sings loudly the whole way down the hall and out the door.

Bucky’s in a good mood today and he laughs in place of panicking.

“Don’t laugh, Bucky,” Steve gripes, and that just makes him laugh harder. “I mean it! Now he knows we order from those kinds of places.”

He snorts. “Stevie. It doesn’t say where it’s from. It’s a third party company to make it anonymous. He wouldn’t know what that was if he didn’t order from there, too.”

“I don’t know if that matters!”

“Sure it does,” Bucky says, sneaking onto the couch next to him. Steve leans into him, and Bucky strokes his hair. “Why do you care, anyway? You’re allowed to be sexual, Steve. And queer. This isn’t the 1930s anymore.”

Steve makes an annoyed noise. “Still.”

“Uh huh. Still.”

They’re quiet for awhile, but soon Bucky just has to know if it’s _the thing_ or one of the other devious devices they’ve ordered.

And sure enough, it’s just what he wanted. His very own chastity device. The _Gates of Hell_ , it’s called, and boy, does it look wicked.

“Christ on sale,” he whispers when he picks up the contraption.

“Yeah,” Steve breathes against the back of Bucky’s neck. “Good purchase.”

Bucky turns around and kisses him, feeling a passion he hasn’t felt in years. Ages, it seems.

Yet he’s still soft. Oh well; at least it means he’ll be easy to get into the cage.

 

_Steve lays him down on the bed, kisses down his body to his belly button and all the way back up. Bucky’s hard as a fucking rock between his legs, unable to believe how good this feels. He hasn’t felt this way in seventy goddamn years. Steve is tender with him, not like he was back then, at least not yet. He teases his body, touches him with soft fingers, slender artist’s fingers that should’ve never picked up a shield (or a gun), never been bloodied in a fight. Unlike him, who’d had this ugliness inside him since the very beginning._

_It feels like years - or maybe it’s just a few minutes - before Steve makes his way down to Bucky’s hard cock, and Bucky’s about to shoot off like crazy before the show even starts. Steve starts licking him, flattening his tongue along Bucky’s cock from tip to base until it’s shining with saliva. Ain’t that somethin’; sweet Steve, who he’s never deserved, worshipping his cock as though he were at the altar. And maybe Bucky is some kind of temple, after all. What kind, he’s not sure, but something magical is happening. Something he hasn’t felt in years is taking over, and it’s all thanks to his Steve._

_Then Steve’s mouth envelops his cock, and it’s everything he can do to hold back from going off right then and there. He thrusts up into Steve’s mouth, then wordlessly apologizes by stroking his golden hair, but Steve takes it all in stride. He opens his mouth wide, saliva dripping obscenely onto his chin, and swallows Bucky like one of those sideshow freak sword-swallowers, like it’s nothing, and Bucky is strangely proud of him for it. He watches in awe as Steve takes him all the way in, as his dick disappears down his throat, and he suddenly wonders ‘do I deserve this?’ Doesn’t matter if he does, though, because Steve’s throat is convulsing around him, and Steve can’t breathe but he’s not moving, he’s just letting Bucky fuck up into him, and that’s it - Bucky’s coming, he’s coming,_ **_he’s coming -_ **

 

Bucky awakens in the dead of night, gasping for air and leaking between his legs. His cock is painful in the cage - right, the cage! - but he wants to sing _hallelujah_ , because it’s back now. It’s back, and all he wants is for Steve to wreck him, take him to pieces right here in this bed.

Steve jerks awake next to him when Bucky starts laughing, a hysterical sound not unlike one a hyena would make on the savannah, chasing baby elephants or whatever the fuck it is that hyenas chase.

He eyes Bucky suspiciously. “What’s so funny, Buck?”

“You - Steve, I remember. I remember what it feels like.”

“What what feels like, Buck?”

“To come.”

Steve’s eyes widen in the dim light of their bedroom. “Oh. _Oh_.”

Bucky feels happy and bright and light as a feather. “Yes.”

“Do you hurt?”

“You mean…” he gestures down to where the cage holds him.

“Yeah. That. Do I need to get the key?”

“Yes… no… I don’t know.”

Steve chuckles. “Gotta make a decision, Buck. Or I’ll make one for you.”

Bucky feels his pupils widen. Steve is all he can see, all he wants to see, ever again. “You will?” he whispers.

“I will,” Steve confirms with a smirk.

“Then make it.”

Steve leans in and kisses him, slow and sweet just like in the dream.

“Well, let me ask you something first,” he murmurs against Bucky’s lips when the kiss is over. “Do you think I should let you come?”

He pulls Bucky by his hair, briefly, so that Bucky climbs over him. Steve gently guides Bucky between his legs, nose right at the base of his cock. He's fully aroused and smells like sweat and musk and _Steve_. Bucky inhales it like it's the last time he'll get to smell it. The cage chafes at his cock, the first time in a while that his cock has been interested in anything. He really had forgotten; out of all the things he’d remembered, how could he have forgotten this? This peace, the peace of knowing he was taken care of, that he’d repented and been absolved?

“No, sir.”

“Why not?”

“I don't deserve it, sir.”

“And why's that?”

“Because I killed people. Because I never had control of myself, even before I went to war. Because I’ve always been bad and deserved punishment.”

“Yes. You did kill people. You never had control of yourself. But I'll tell you what. I'll let you pleasure me. Do you know why?”

“Because... because I help people now? Because I’m trying to be good?”

“That's right. You're such a good boy for telling me this. I hope you remember more often. That little cage doesn't do much good if you don't. Maybe I'll make you come every once in a while. So you remember. What do you say, Buck?”

Bucky wails. “No, please, I don't wanna, I don't deserve it.”

“That's right, you don't. We'll see. Now suck me off. Do a good job and I might fuck you after.”

Bucky’s mouth salivates at the command, just like Steve’s had in his dream. “Yes, sir,” he whispers reverently, and starts working his way up and down Steve’s shaft, amazed at how good it feels against his tongue, how soft Steve’s foreskin is, how it tastes and smells like everything he’d ever wanted.

Bucky’s never gonna forget this for as long as he lives. Not even if Hydra gets him again - they can’t take this away a second time. He’ll hide it in a box, and tie it in a knot only he can undo. Like a gift to himself.

He worships Steve, remembering partially by instinct and partially by memory. He’d done this before - not during the war, as there’d never been time for more than a stolen kiss here and there, but before, when Stevie was smaller and, let’s face it, easier to fit into his mouth. Bucky can’t deepthroat like the Steve in his dreams, unfortunately.

He makes up for his lack of skill with an abundance of enthusiasm. First time he’s sucked a cock in seventy years - thank goodness Hydra never tortured him that way - and it’s like coming home. He strokes the shaft with his hand and follows with his mouth as far as it’ll take him, grips the base of Steve’s cock, and pulls off again in the reverse direction, over and over again until Steve is gripping his hair hard. Not to force him, no, just letting him do what he wants, what he’s comfortable with, because Steve’s not gonna push him, and that’s okay. That’s not what Bucky truly wants to do, but it’s probably what he needs right now. He’s so grateful for Steve that he redoubles his efforts, taking Steve in until he gags and grabbing his hips to coax him to fuck his face.

Steve tries to hold off on thrusting, but eventually he can’t any longer, though he’s not as rough as Bucky would like. He takes advantage of what Bucky’s offering, though, and makes the most delicious sounds Bucky’s ever heard, and Bucky’s proud because _he_ did that, _he_ pulled those noises out of Steve.

An idea occurs to him; he considers pulling back when Steve’s at the very edge, but decides against it, even though it might get him the punishment that he wants. He tries to get the point across anyway, wiggling his bottom in the air to show Steve how very on board he is with doing anything and everything Steve desires. But Steve pushes his head down harder and says, “Don’t try to talk with your mouth full, jerk.” Despite the words, his deep, rough voice is a sure indicator that he’s close.

Then he’s coming, and Bucky sucks it down greedily, making obscene slurping noises and suckling the tip to get every last drop, until Steve is pulling him back and whimpering pathetically.

And still Bucky wants more.

As if reading his mind, Steve shakes his head. “Not tonight, Buck. You’re going to sleep. There’s plenty of time.”

Oh, now that’s unfair. _So_ fucking unfair. He finally remembers, and all he gets to wring out of Steve is one measly little orgasm?

Steve’s face grows more stern with each minute Bucky fails to comply with his request.

“Aww, Steve, don’t give me that face.”

“What face, Barnes?”

“The Disapproving Captain America Face.”

The Face gets even worse. “You’re so done, Barnes. Up here, wrap your arms around me.” Steve grabs his hair painfully - _yes!_ \- and forces him away from his cock, pushing Bucky’s head down against his shoulder.

Bucky groans. Unfair! But at least Steve smells like sweat, the kind of sweat that comes after a long day of physical activity. Smells so good he wants to lick it clean, from Steve’s armpits to his crotch and back again, over and over. Oh god he’s so turned on right now, and can’t do anything about it. He’d had no idea it would be this good.

Steve notices him squirming and flicks his nipple. Bucky gasps. “Brain a little fuzzy there, Buck?”

“Fuck, Steve,” he hisses as Steve continues tormenting him. “You’re cruel.”

Steve chuckles. “Hey, you’re the one who asked for this. Just wait until we use the rest of our toys, hmm?” He kisses Bucky’s forehead as Bucky makes a wantonly needy noise. He’s ashamed to have made it, but even that humiliation gets his cock twitching in the cage as it strains to fatten up.

“Ooh, you like that, don’t you? I’m gonna wreck you so hard you won’t be able to walk the next day. And still, you won’t get off. I’ll come over and over again, and you won’t get to come a single, solitary time.”

Steve’s voice is sex-rough and low and maybe, just maybe, if Bucky plays his cards right, he’ll get fucked tonight. He still tastes Steve on his tongue, that delicious, savory cream that he’s missed so fucking badly.

Steve keeps spewing filth, too. Bucky never knew that Steve had it in him. Sure, back in the day there’d been a little bit of dirty talk here and there, but nothing like this.

“I’m gonna fuck that tight little hole of yours all night, Bucky, after you suck me off four or five times. I’ll be ready to go all night then. And you’ll take it, on your hands and knees, crying when I hit that little spot just inside you over and over again.”

_Jesus._

“Fuck, I can’t, Steve. I can’t. Let’s just get some sleep. Or fuck me already. Jesus.”

Steve laughs. “That’s great, Buck. Just what I was aiming for. Get some sleep and I’ll fuck you tomorrow.”

Bucky picks his head up off of Steve’s shoulder and glares. “You little shit.”

“Damn straight, you gorgeous creature.”

“... creature?”

“Creature,” he repeats. Fucking Steve.

Bucky groans. “You promise you’ll fuck me tomorrow?”

“Or soon, at least. Yeah.”

Bucky lies back down against him. “Alright. God, I didn’t know it’d be like this, Steve. Fuck, I need… I _need_. It’s like desire - it - it’s back with a vengeance.”

“Seems like. Well, you might _need_ , but you don’t deserve.”

He huffs out a weak laugh. “Don’t do that to me. Fuck me or calm your tits.”

“Calm my tits? What does that even mean?”

“Uh… how long have you been around, Steve?”

“Oh, shut up!”

“Will not!”

“I’ll make you,” Steve threatens.

“Can’t really take you seriously since you unilaterally decided on no sex.”

Steve sighs. “Yeah, okay. Go to sleep, little bun.” Bucky scoffs at the old nickname from his childhood; really, Steve’s gonna go there? “Have sweet dreams for me, alright?”

“Yes, sir,” Bucky whispers against his chest, and he’s out before he realizes he’s falling asleep.

 

 

Tony, being Tony, monopolizes all of Steve’s time the next day - because it’s not like Steve has other _things_ to do - and Steve comes back to the floor he shares with Bucky exhausted as hell.

And Bucky, fuck. Bucky’s in heaven, or hell, or some other place with far different rules than the world he’s used to. Little fingers tickle up his spine, spreading from his groin all the way up to his brain. How could this feel so damn good? If this is what repentance and forgiveness feel like, he’s going to be a bad boy every damn day of his life just to earn them.

Steve sits on the couch next to him, and they both groan, though for different reasons. Bucky’s decked out in his Captain America pajamas, which are Steve’s favorite, although Steve would never admit it. Bucky, of course, had intentionally worn them. Steve’s dressed in one of those too-tight white shirts that makes Bucky’s mouth water, along with a pair of jeans that perfectly showcase his ass.

Bucky is going to fucking _die._

“Don’t say it,” Steve says.

Perplexed, Bucky tilts his head and looks at him questioningly. “Say what?”

“How bad you want it.”

“But Steve!”

“What’d I tell you about that _but Steve_ shit, Bucky Barnes?”

“Not to do it, sir.”

“That’s right. Though I guess I could use a nice foot rub. Bastard had me hauling shit all goddamn day.”

“You could’ve asked me for help,” Bucky says as he kneels at Steve’s feet.

“I could’ve, but I figured maybe seeing me like that would get you all worked up. Guess it didn’t matter, huh? You got all worked up anyway.”

God, even Steve’s feet are sexy, with their long, slender toes, just like his artist’s hands. Bucky leans down and kisses them before he starts kneading them.

“Hey,” Steve giggles when Bucky gently runs his thumb along the sensitive arch of his left foot. “Stop that. Use your hands like I taught you, and don’t be a heathen.”

Bucky snickers. “Like you were ever gonna break me of that habit.”

Steve smirks and points to Bucky’s crotch, where the front of his pajama pants have been stained with a wet spot. “Looks like I did.”

And, well. That’s a good point.

So Bucky gets to it, massaging Steve’s feet like it’s the last thing he’ll goddamn do. He loses himself in the task, mind numb to everything but Steve’s pleasure, at least until Steve starts moaning. It sounds nothing like the kind of moan someone would make after a long, exhausted day. It’s sensual, dripping with desire.

Jackpot.

“Is this turning you on?” Bucky asks innocently.

“Mmm, right there, _fuck_ yes, Buck. And you know full well you ain’t foolin’ me, right?”

“Hey!”

Steve looks amused. “Why so indignant, Barnes?”

“Because I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“Yeah, I believe you. You’re blissed out on just getting to touch me at all. Man, this is gonna be fun, isn’t it? You’re gonna serve me any way you can just in the hopes I take you out of that cage for a little while. Isn’t that right?”

Bucky moans. “Yes. God, yes. Steve, will you fuck me?”

It’s obvious Steve is extremely turned on, given that those tight ass jeans can’t conceal the bulge growing in them. Not even a little.

“I’m thinkin’ you deserve it today. You didn’t bother me once, even though I know you were goin’ crazy in here.”

_Hallelujah!_

“Follow me.” When Bucky moves to stand, Steve pushes him back down. “Uh-uh. On your knees. Crawl for me.”

Fuck. Bucky’s going to fucking _die._

They’ve never done anything quite like this before. Sure, they fooled around when they were younger - kids, it seems like now, even though they were fully grown at the time - but this feels like the big leagues to Bucky. On his hands and knees, crawling after Steve, wearing his very own chastity belt… he never thought he’d be in this position in a million years. And even better, someone like Tony Stark could know how bent the two of them were for each other and not even blink an eye. Hell, from what Steve’s told him, Tony himself had probably been involved with men in the past. It’s normal now. They could even get married -

_Okay, one thing at a time, Barnes._

Bucky crawls excitedly after Steve, feeling a little silly about being on all fours but not really caring. His skin feels hot in his Captain America pajamas - and isn’t that fitting? The only part of him that’s cold is his metal arm, but even that feels sexy now, because _finally_ Steve’s gonna play with him and all their new toys.

Steve stops him at the door. “Get undressed like a good boy, and maybe I’ll let you into my room.”

Bucky hustles to get the PJs off, blushing from the humiliation of being seen like this, so eager to do Steve’s bidding. He feels that stare all over his exposed body and shudders, knowing tonight’s going to be long and hard in the best possible way.

“Good boy.”

Steve grins down at him and beckons him into the room. He’s reminded of that day back in Brooklyn, the first time he admitted his feelings for Steve - rather ineptly, that had been - and maybe, just maybe, he’s always been Steve’s bitch.

Steve certainly seems to think so, if his expression is anything to go by. It makes Bucky’s cock strain against the cage and it feels so fucking good he can barely hold himself up.

“Make me good,” he whispers up to Steve, offering his chin to Steve’s hands.

Bucky’s pulse throbs at his temple; he wants to beg forgiveness, offer himself to Steve on a platter, but it’s not necessary, and they both know it. He’s always belonged to Steve, his Stevie, who is brilliant as the sun and twice as pure. This is the only place he’ll find salvation, right here at Steve’s knees.

“I bought something extra, you know.”

Bucky licks his lips. “Oh?”

“Yep. Your very own collar and leash.”

Steve, the genius bastard, smirks as he walks to the closet to fish the goods out of the last box delivered. Bucky sits on his heels, arching his neck to accept the new accoutrements. As the collar snaps snugly about his neck, he feels every muscle in his body relax all at once and nearly drops straight to the floor, but Steve grips the leash tightly and holds him up.

Steve pulls him by the leash and leads him onto the bed, maneuvering him onto all fours. Bucky arches his back the way he’d been taught, spreading his legs a little and showing off his hole. The climate-controlled room has a slight chill, but the goosebumps feel good on his sweat-slick skin. He really, truly is an animal in need of being kept.

“God, Steve, are you gonna fuck me or not?” he moans after several seconds of Steve’s eyes just taking him in. “How many times have you seen all this?”

Steve smacks his ass hard. Bucky hadn’t known ‘til now just how much power Steve’s new body holds. It feels like lightning shooting its way up his spine. With his cock kept, the sensation travels along every inch of his skin, chasing the lightning.

“The mouth on you,” Steve growls at him, and _holy shit_ he’s leaking everywhere, thighs messy with precome from his achingly soft cock; it’s even dripping onto their bed, but Steve doesn’t seem to care, and it’s not like Bucky could help it if he did because it feels so damn _good_.

“Steve-”

Steve hits him again, harder. “What’d I just tell you, Barnes? Seems to me like you need something stuffed into that mouth of yours. What do you think?”

“God yes, please, give me your cock-”

“Who said I was talkin’ about my cock?”

Bucky groans, long and low. “Why are you doing this to me?” He knows he’s whining, but he can’t seem to help that, either.

“Seems like that cage has got you a little mouthy. Maybe I should take it off.”

Bucky instantly snaps to attention, pushing out his ass and holding his head high like a good boy would do. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to. I promise.”

Steve snickers somewhere behind him. “That’s better. That’s my Bucky.” He gently runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair and hums to himself. Bucky echoes him, closing his eyes.

“Alright, this is what we’re gonna do.”

“I’m listening, sir.”

“Good boy. I’m gonna shut you up with this leash since you apparently can’t stop yourself from mouthing off. You’re gonna put your hands above your head, clasped together, and keep them there. You need something from me, spit out the leash. And if you don’t communicate, if you sit there and take it when you’re uncomfortable, I’m not gonna fuck you at all. Got it?”

“Steve, why do you think I wouldn’t say something?”

“Because, Buck, you’ve been abused. You might zone out or get violent. I don’t know. I don’t want you to worry about it, because I’m watching your back, got it? If it gets overwhelming, just let me know. You’ll be tied to the bed but you’ll be able to break out of it if need be. Just… try not to do that. Talk to me, okay?”

Steve moves to where Bucky can see him, seeming earnest and so very _Steve Rogers_ that it hurts Bucky’s heart. Hydra never did anything like this to him; this is completely different than abuse. Steve knows that, and they wouldn’t be trying this if it had been any other way. But he still has to check in, because he’s Steve. It’s more than Bucky deserves, though he’d never dare say that aloud.

Bucky nods solemnly. “You’ll know,” he murmurs, and then Steve kisses him.

It’s Steve’s ‘hello’ kiss, the one where he doesn’t let Bucky chase it too much, where he makes him wait for it, where he keeps it shallow enough to be a tease. Bucky’s never been kept like this before, and he finds that, strangely, he doesn’t _want_ to chase it, doesn’t _want_ to deepen it. There’s no goal tonight, other than letting Steve use him however he wishes. He’ll never have to worry about getting off. It’s all about Steve, and him, and who they are together. Who they always were together.

When Steve stops, his pupils are blown wide and the crotch of his jeans are damp with precome. Bucky wants to suck every drop from him as many times as he can, until Steve’s coming dry.

Steve squeezes in between the top of the bed frame and Bucky’s front, scooching him down the bed just a bit before finally allowing Bucky the opportunity to suck him. He pulls his cock out of those too-tight jeans and slaps it against Bucky’s lips. Bucky takes to it like he was born for Steve’s cock, and maybe he was. He’d thought that a long time ago, in fact, back when they were young and impressionable and stupid as hell for making enough noise to wake the neighbors on several occasions, Bucky with his whimpering and Steve with his loud spanking hand on Bucky’s bare bottom.

He takes Steve deep, gripping his hips as an invitation to fuck his throat. Steve holds back at first, not willing to push him too far just yet, but eventually he gives in and grabs Bucky’s head, moving it onto his cock, forcing him to swallow. And swallow he does, throat working around it and tongue dancing up and down the shaft. The noise Steve makes is a thing of beauty. He whines in frustration again when Steve pulls back, forcing Bucky to stop just before he gets off in his mouth.

“Steve, I wanted it.”

“And you’ll get it. Several times over. You get to make me come as many times as I want, and you won’t get off a single time… isn’t that what you really want?”

“Yes, sir. But I wanted the first like that.”

“Such a petulant little brat, you are. I should _really_ punish you.”

Bucky perks up like that’s the best news he’s heard in forever. “Really?”

“Really,” Steve answers, amused.

“So what do I get for being eager to serve you?” he asks, rolling his eyes. Only Steve would finally get to the business of punishing someone for wanting to get him off. Christ, Bucky loves the guy. Always did; how could he not?

“A toy or two, maybe.”

“Sounds like a reward to me…”

“Jesus, Barnes.”

Bucky laughs. “Alright. I’ll be good.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Steve flips him onto his back, opening Bucky’s thighs so that he’s obscenely displayed. His dick strains at the cage, balls heavy and tender with unreleased tension. Bucky breathes deeply as he watches Steve grab a few things from their little treasure chest - _ooh_ \- a butt plug, lube, and a cane that looks just as mean as Bucky needs it to be.

Punishment. Pain. The real deal this time, a way to keep the edge off. Fuck, his cock and balls _ache_.

“Clasp your hands together above your head. Perfect. I’m not gonna tie you down just yet because I don’t know if you’re ready for it. But soon enough, doll. Now let’s see… something’s missing…”

Steve makes a considering face, tilting his head to the side as though deliberating about something extremely important. Bucky’s pretty sure he’s faking it; Steve knows exactly what he wants from him.

Just like he can read Steve’s mind, he opens his mouth, lips still slightly swollen from the size of Steve’s cock. Steve grins and pets his head; of course, Bucky preens at the attention.

Bucky’s struck by a sense of purpose as his Steve takes the leash and shoves it unceremoniously into his mouth. He bites down on it like he once did a piece of rubber, something that wiped his mind clean. He’d never deserved that kind of punishment, neither because it offered him an escape from the responsibility of his sins nor because it left him with no path to salvation.

This, though. This wipes the slate clean. The path is revealed to him here, and it’s through Steve, just like it was always meant to be. Hydra couldn’t have taken _that_ part away in a million years, even if he had forgotten Steve himself.

Bucky looks up at Steve with every bit of how he feels in his eyes - the love, the gratitude. His lover smiles softly down at him, a sap if there ever was one.

He wiggles his butt, forcing a drop of fluid from the head of his cock down into the crack of his ass. It tickles a little, and he giggles. Steve just shakes his head and stares at him from top to bottom, drinking in the sight. Bucky flushes at the scrutiny.

“Mmmph? Mmm. Ahhphff.”

“Yep, I hear you,” Steve says, amused. He takes the switch and whips it through the air a couple of times, testing its weight. It sounds wicked as hell. Bucky braces himself for the pain.

“I want you to look me in the eye when I hit you,” Steve tells him, and yeah - that’s not going to be a problem. Steve’s eyes are dilated, giving everything away, not unlike the hard length obscenely sticking out of his pants.

Steve mercilessly takes the switch to his thighs. From the first hit, he doesn’t hold back, knowing by instinct exactly what Bucky needs. And maybe Steve needs it, too, Bucky realizes suddenly. Maybe they fit together so well simply because Steve is the yin to Bucky’s yang.

God, he should never admit that one out loud, lest he be accused of being a _serious_ fucking sap.

Bucky gets lost in the haze of pleasure Steve delivers; even though he never takes his eyes off his best friend, he’s barely aware when Steve briefly stops to lube up the plug and slide it into him. Which, to be fair, he doesn’t need much of, Bucky’s kept cock providing plenty of lube already. Steve kisses the marks on Bucky’s thighs and ass, stopping on the way up to lick around the head of his cock in the cage, tasting the precome collected there.

Bucky nearly _howls,_ jolting out of his fugue-like state at the intensity of the sensation.

Steve snickers from between his legs before picking up the switch and continuing. He has to close his eyes because it’s just too much now; his cock has been reawakened in a big way, and he’s about to lose it.

Is it possible to come while soft? He has a feeling he’s about to find out.

He spits out the leash. “Steve. Steve!”

Steve stops his ministrations, concerned. “What’s going on? Everything okay?”

Bucky hasn’t moved from his position, not a lick, so _obviously everything’s okay, Steve_. But he’d promised he would communicate, and that’s what he’s doing.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Maybe a little too much. I might come if we keep up like this.”

Steve cocks his head. “Yeah? Is that even possible?”

“I… uh, I think it might be.”

“Well shit, Barnes, even in chastity you can’t last more than a day!”

He’s not sure what Steve’s talking about, considering he’s been in this thing for a few months now, but then realizes it was only the previous night that his libido actually woke up.

“Sonofabitch,” he grumbles.

“I’m willing to bet it won’t be very pleasant though,” Steve replies in a sly voice, and yeah, maybe he’s right about that. “An orgasm through a soft cock? Should be an interesting thing to see.”

Bucky needs more, though. More than this. Better than this, being on the edge of something he doesn’t want. The plug feels nice and full inside of him, but he needs _more_.

 _More_ being Steve’s cock.

“Please, Steve,” he asks in a small voice. “I need you in me.”

“ _Need_ is a strong word. You sure about that?”

“Yes. Please.”

Steve stops his teasing when he hears the sincerity in Bucky’s voice. “Yeah, okay, Buck. Let me take care of you.”

Bucky’s trembling by the time Steve removes the plug and enters him in one smooth, slow motion. He doesn’t move from the position Steve’s had him in this whole time, preferring to be a good boy and leave his cock alone, knowing that attempting to touch it would only make the whole thing worse. His balls would be tender and hot to the touch, too, but damn, it’s hard to hold back. Steve’s cock just fits him so perfectly.

The truth is, Bucky does want to get off. This, though, this is about more than physical pleasure; it’s about repenting for the things he’s done wrong. It always has been… and there’s more than enough of those for this punishment to last a long time.

And Steve - Steve _uses_ him, like he’s nothing more than a hole for Steve’s pleasure, and it’s - _fuck_. Like nothing he’s ever felt, even back then, when his Stevie weighed less than a hundred pounds soaking wet. Steve never was a small guy, not where it counted, but Christ almighty he’s a big boy now, and he’s giving it to Bucky the way a super soldier should. Letting go, knowing that Bucky can take it. Knowing that Bucky will let Steve take from him, even as he allows him to give up so much in return.

Bucky watches Steve’s face as he fucks him, awed by how wrecked he looks, the way his slightly-too-long hair folds over his eyes just like it used to back in the ‘40s. He’s so fucking beautiful, and he’s all Bucky’s. All for Bucky.

He closes his eyes and focuses on the pleasure zigzagging throughout his body. Without having to worry about his cock, he can feel it in every pore, every cell, a warmth only Steve can provide, like the sun seeping through the cracks in his skin.

Even though his cock is seeping and the coil of pleasure is tightening deep inside his gut, Bucky holds it off and accepts Steve’s orgasm as his own. Steve is the one who deserves the release, the reward for his willingness to own Bucky’s sin.

And when it’s over, and Steve’s breathing heavily and grinning down at Bucky with that absurdly gorgeous face, Bucky feels a sense of pride. His balls still ache. He hasn’t come.

 _Hallelujah_.

For the first time this century, he goes to sleep feeling fulfilled, Steve’s essence leaking between his thighs and his arms wrapped tightly around him all the proof he needs to know that he exists, that he did well, that he belongs to someone.

 

 

“I’m taking the cage off of you today,” Steve tells him, three weeks after their first _mission accomplished_ , and Bucky’s immediately on high alert. _No, no no no, please don’t do that,_ he tells Steve in his mind, but outwardly all he does is pause with the fork full of pancake halfway to his mouth. Steve notices and raises an eyebrow, awaiting his response. Bucky thinks on it as he chews the pancake, a soft and entirely too sweet thing that seems made of candy rather than bread.

“And what if I don’t want that?” he asks carefully.

“Who’s in charge here?”

“You,” he responds immediately.

“Uh-huh. And that’s because you trust me, isn’t it? Or am I getting that part wrong?”

“I trust you.”

Steve moves to stand beside him, taking the plate away and forcing the fork away from his mouth. “How much do you trust me, Bucky?”

“With my life, sir,” he whispers.

“That’s right.”

Steve picks him up like he weighs nothing and carries him, bridal style, to their bedroom in the Tower. Bucky doesn’t even consider struggling. If Steve wills it, it shall be so.

The little lock clinks as the key enters it, a metaphor if there ever was one, Bucky thinks. His freed cock instantly hardens just from the fact that Steve has this much control over him, enough that he could’ve told Bucky to get hard right now and Bucky would’ve complied quicker than he ever had when he was the Asset.

Steve lays him down gently, like he’s made of porcelain, and he can’t even complain about that because he _feels_ like porcelain, like he’s about to crack and whatever ugliness is inside him will come spilling out. And maybe that’s the point, maybe that’s what Steve wants here, for him to finally be free of it.

If so, he’s gonna have a fight on his hands. For one thing, Bucky doesn’t deserve that, but most importantly, Bucky doesn’t know _how_.

Steve settles him in his lap, both of them naked and deliciously hard. Bucky throws his head back as he feels Steve’s cock slot against his - that feels better than it has any right to. Steve strokes the both of them together and Bucky wonders why they never did this before, back then, when Stevie could’ve easily fit right in his own lap.

Now it’s the other way around, which is as it should be. Steve takes care of him, and had taken care of him even when he was the size of a thimble.

He sighs his pleasure, but it quickly turns into a moan of discomfort; orgasm is building inside him, and that is something he doesn’t want. Ever.

“It’s time,” Steve says in a firm voice, as though seeing straight through Bucky’s thoughts. He probably _does_ see right through Bucky. Like glass, he’d told him once.

“No.”

“It’s time, Bucky. You’ve paid your dues.”

“No. Please,” he whines.

Bucky’s adamant on this, but so is Steve. Despite his wishes, he can feel the heat coiling low inside him. He squeezes his eyes closed and refuses to look at his best friend, his Stevie, his everything, refuses to see those gorgeous features firm up into the _you’ll do as I say and be glad_ look. There’s no way he can refuse that face.

“I want you to let go. Let go for me, Buck.”

“No,” he sobs, unwilling. He can’t let go, not of this. What if he breaks, bursts into millions of tiny fragments? He can never truly pay for what he’s done - never.

“James Buchanan Barnes. _Look at me_.”

When Bucky just squeezes his eyes shut even more tightly, Steve lets go of their cocks and grabs Bucky’s chin, forcing his head straight.

“Look at me,” Steve repeats, and Bucky’s eyes open like the little traitors they are, drawn to Steve’s voice like moths to a flame. Bucky whimpers, fighting to hold off his pleasure. Steve’s makin’ it awfully damn difficult, though.

“Good boy. Now. Listen to me. You’ve sinned. You’ve done bad things. Evil, wicked things.”

He nods frantically - _yes_!

But Steve’s not done.

“Trust in me. I love you, and I’m taking care of you now. And I say you’ve paid, Buck. Let go. Let go for me, will you?”

Bucky whimpers, gasps through the tide rising in him.

“ _Let go_ ,” Steve whispers into his ear, then presses a knuckle right behind Bucky’s balls.

“Yes,” Bucky cries, and comes.

It takes seconds, hours, ages. Bucky feels like his very soul is draining out of him. He tries to keep his eyes on Steve, but it’s impossible as the waves keep crashing, over and over and over until he’s wrung out, and _still_ they keep coming. Steve keeps up the pressure behind his balls, stroking his cock languidly and watching him with an awe-stricken expression.

When it’s done, Bucky collapses against him, feeling more at peace than he has since that day back in ‘29 when he first discovered shame.

Steve lays him down, cleans him up, gets him water. Gives him time to come back to himself. He floats through the haze and loses track of time, fighting in some corner of his brain to hold on to this feeling. The cool metal of the cage fitting back into place is what finally manages to drag him from the clouds back down to Earth, and he smiles the most genuine smile he has since that night before he shipped off to London.

“Welcome back,” Steve says with a grin when he recognizes that Bucky’s eyes are no longer glassy. “How are you feelin’?”

“Better than I have in a long time,” Bucky says, and means it.

“Yeah. I have somethin’ I wanna tell you, somethin’ important that you need to know.”

“What’s that, Steve?” he asks, staring into those lovely blue depths, happy and relaxed and finally at peace.

Steve pulls him close, so close that he feels his own hot breath wafting about Steve’s neck.

“You’re forgiven,” he whispers into Bucky’s ear, and Bucky finally, _finally_ believes it.

He’s _forgiven_.

 

 

 

 

 

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**Author's Note:**

> Cobaltmoony : It's been such a pleasure to work with sparkly_butthole and i just ADORE THIS STORY sfm. So glad we finally get to share it and i have no doubt that ppl would love it, good job partner! :high five:
> 
> sparkly_butthole: I am so lucky to have gotten the chance to work with cobaltmoony on both this and my shrunkyclunks big bang, because they are one of the most talented artists I have ever known. All my love to you! <333333


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